I Can't Read Your Mind!

"This is a government project." Stated an elderly gent dressed in a black suit that was covered with a white lab coat. His short, stocky build walked gracefully back and forth as he spoke with a gruff voice. "So, I don't have to express how serious it is to keep silent about it." He removed his round glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "This is the reason why we haven't given our names and why we do not know yours." He replaced his glasses and flashed a grin before returning to a scowl. "You may call me, Dr. Suess. That is, of course, a code name."

Sitting before him, in the solid white tiled room, was a long white table. Behind the table were three young men; all of the age range between twenty and twenty-nine. They sat dressed in solid white pajamas and on each one's shirt was a large blue letter of the alphabet.

Dr. Suess pointed to the man with the large blue "A" on his chest. This young man was black with a rough shaved head. His calm, gentle face held a well trimmed beard and his build was very thin.

"Your code name is Cat in the hat." Dr. Suess said before moving to the man with the letter "B" on his chest.

This young man was short and plump with a large round head. Even though his eyes were a bright blue and seemed very gentle, they were shrank back and small. His blond eyebrows sat over his eyes like a scowl and his long blond hair sat on his large shoulders.

"The Grinch." Dr. Suess said, trying to hold back a smile.

Finally, Dr. Suess stopped his short finger at the last young man who had his head shaved and around the bald head was a fresh tattoo of a dragon. His snubbed nose held piercings and his ears were stretched by the large lobe earrings he had. His eyes were dark and almost frightening.

"Thing One." The tired doctor said.

Thing One smirked. "Wasn't there two?"

"What?" Dr. Suess asked.

The other two young men leaned forward to listen to Thing One.

Thing One sighed. "There was Thing One and Thing Two in Cat in the Hat."

Dr. Suess waved his hand and reached into his left lab coat pocket. "I never read children's books." He pulled out three very small plastic boxes colored green. "Okay, now. These are the tablets. Chew them slowly and we can move on."

As Dr. Suess sat down each box in front of the contestants, Thing One looked at his box and curled his upper lip.

"What is it?" He asked.

Dr. Suess stood infront of Cat in the Hat and shoved his hands into his pockets after sitting down the last box. "Well, they are a ... Well, I guess I should put them in lame man's terms, correct?"

The Grinch nodded. "Yeah, that would be great. I couldn't understand that pamplet you gave us earlier."

Dr. Suess started to pace slowly in front of the table. "They are a drug, designed to open a new path way into the communication portion of your brain. It will give you extra sensory perception and could cause you to ... Well, to read minds."

Cat in the Hat nodded. "Okay, but ... What are the side effects?"

Dr. Suess shrugged and gave a frown. "That is what we are here to find out."

Thing One opened his box and saw a small round pink chewable tablet. He paused for a moment and slid it out of the box into his right hand.

Dr. Suess held up a finger to the young man. "Not yet, Thing One. I have to verify that everyone is here on their own free will."

Thing One smirked. "I thought that was that booklet of papers we had to sign to get into here?"

Dr. Suess nodded and then pointed his thumb to his back, towards a large camera hanging across another camera; each hung from a stand in the corner of the ceiling.

"Yes, but the camera hasn't seen the booklet, as you call it." He cleared his throat. "Please state for the camera that you are here of your own free will and that you will keep your discretion of this project."

The three agreed. Dr. Suess nodded.

"Go ahead and chew your pills. Good luck and God speed, gentlemen." Dr. Suess said as he used the door at the back end of the room as an exit.

Thing One chewed on his pill. "Whatever gets me paid."

The Grinch gave a snicker as the pill dissolved in his mouth.

Cat in the Hat licked his lips as he finished his pill. "I hope this shit doesn't make your dick fall off."

The Grinch darted a beady eye glare at the Cat. "What did you say?"

The Cat in the Hat looked at The Grinch in confusion. "I didn't say anything."

"You said that you hope this doesn't make your dick fall off. Is ... Is that going to happen?" The Grinch asked with fear on his round face.

The Cat in the Hat widened his eyes at The Grinch. "I was thinking it, but I didn't say it." He shifted his chair around to face The Grinch. "Okay, I want to try something. I am going to close my lips and think of something. You tell me word for word what I am saying." The Cat closed his mouth and stared into the small eyes of The Grinch. "You are a fat bastard."

The Grinch smirked. "You just called me a fat bastard."

The Cat in the Hat shook his head and gave a confused smile. "No I didn't, I was thinking of that line from Clerks."

"You heard that?" Thing One asked.

The Grinch and The Cat in the Hat darted a quick look to Thing One, who was shocked.

"I didn't think it would work, so I thought it." Thing One stammered.

The Cat in the Hat jumped out of his chair and pulled his seat across the room. "Come on, let's put our chairs were we can look at each other and try this out."

The other two agreed and suddenly the three were sitting in a triangle, facing each other. Each with lips tight and eyes wide.

"If this works, I bet I can get laid all the time." Thought The Grinch.

Both The Cat in the Hat and Thing One leaned back into their chairs with wide eyes.

"Whoa!" Exclaimed a thought from one.

"Damn!" Shouted another thought of another.

"This beats texting." Thought The Cat in the Hat.

Before long, the three were thinking thoughts like, "Dude," and "This is amazing."

"We kick the shit out of Carrie right now!" The Cat in the Hat thought while laughing.

Thing One smirked. "She had telekinisis, not telepathic powers." "Stupid nigger."

The Grinch looked at Thing One with small shocked eyes. "Did he say ... Think what I thought I just heard?"

"He certainly did, stupid ass racist white boy!" The Cat in the Hat thought with anger on his face.

Thing One held up his hands. "Whoa! Calm down. It just slipped out."

"And I am pretty sure you used that same excuse explaining to your dad why you fucked your mother." "Redneck white trash." Said and thought by The Cat in the Hat.

"Damn." The Grinch thought when he saw the angry glare in Thing One's eyes.

"Why you getting all bent out of shape over one word?" Thing One asked in his mind.

"You thought it...Which means that is what you were thinking about when we first met." Thought The Cat in the Hat. "You started out with calling fatso fat bastard."

The Grinch pouted. "Don't bring me into this."

"Sorry man, that just ..."

"Slipped out?" Thing One asked.

"No one is talking to you, racist." The Cat in the Hat growled.

"Oh, okay. So I can't think nigger, but you can call someone fat? It is still offensive." Thing One shouted.

As the fight between Thing One and The Cat in the Hat, inside a control room just on the other side of the white tiled room, Dr. Suess and a young woman in a fellow lab coat sat in front of three televsion monitors. The screens held the images of the three yelling at each other.

Dr. Suess cleaned his glasses with a white cloth. He sniffed. "And that is why it is not ready for public use."

The woman chewed on her pen. "I don't get it ... The rats took to it well."

Dr. Suess replaced his glasses and sighed. "Ah yes, but man is all together a different creature."

"I wonder if she is wearing that black thong I saw yesterday?"

The woman darted her glare at Dr. Suess. "What?"